when your day is long and the night, the night is yours alone | when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on

Hello liv marie! Incoming review!

This is a great piece you've written here and I'll review by each point made and giving my thoughts.

i. because feeling like you want to give up doesn’t mean you should. you have a future, you have a purpose. you have so much to bring to life; and the world wants you in it. we want your talents, your imperfections, your gifts, your voice. you have so much to look forward to, so much to complete, so much to give. it’s okay to feel like giving up; lots of people can relate to you. but you have to move forward and motivate yourself. your future self will be glad they kept trying.

This is one of the many points that people will be first to go to. They'll say, "Keep on going because there's so much more to look forward to." So many people who have never felt like giving up will say these types of things to people, and sometimes it feels ignorant. But the flow you gave and the stylized capitalization makes it feel softer, like you've been there. It almost feels like a text from someone, not having proper capitalization, that makes it feel soothing.

ii. because in life, maybe you feel like you’re missing something. like your heart is this big puzzle and nobody can complete it. you’re always missing one piece. maybe that piece you're missing is yourself- but it's okay not to know yourself yet. but if not, in order to find someone to complete that puzzle, you need to put yourself out there. and maybe you’re not ready for that yet, but that’s okay. maybe that piece you're missing is yourself- but it's okay not to know yourself yet. feeling incomplete is never a reason to stop trying.

It seems as if you've repeated the line, "maybe that piece you're missing is yourself- but it's okay not to know yourself yet." While it's repeated twice, it is a wonderful sentiment. Teenagers are supposed to try to know what their own purpose is in the world, hence, figuring out how their different from the people around them. But there are so many teen influencers nowadays that they won't know the difference between what's their real life and their manufactured "influencer" life.

iii. because in life, you’re going to feel not good enough. you’re going to feel hurt by other people’s judgements- but you don’t need their approval. the only approval you need in order to keep going is yours. just because you don’t love yourself doesn’t mean you should give up. thoughts are not facts. in every relationship, there are going to be times where you disagree, when you want to give up. the relationship between yourself and your mind is the same. it might take a long time to gain your own approval- don’t be afraid to work on it, and don’t run away.

About the first line, it feels immature in it's execution while the rest of the work feels more mature. If it were me I would change it to, "because in life, you're not going to feel good enough." See? Oh and I also love love love the line, "thoughts are not facts." We feel like our thoughts are derived from factual evidence we've gathered from experience but we come to the wrong conclusion. You are just speaking facts.

iv. because giving up isn’t ending the pain, it’s passing it on. your pain is temporary. giving up is permanent. you deserve love, and you deserve life. i’m not sure what pain you’re going through. but out there, there is someone who loves you. i know many people say that pain will get better, and it will. but, you have to give yourself time to heal and help yourself in any way you can that’s not harmful.

This is something I preach whenever someone is having a really hard time. And I've heard many anecdotes where the person who wanted to give up said something along the lines of, "I didn't want my life to end, I wanted my life as I know it to end." It's also quite scary to think about. There are people who want death so bad, that their willing to give up all they have to pass on the pain to another.

v. because in every fight, in every struggle, there’s going to be a time where you feel like all of this isn’t worth it. that every tear that’s shed from your eye should be caught by someone. and maybe that someone isn’t here yet, and maybe that makes you feel like you’re not worth the trouble. you ARE worth it. you’re worth every wiped tear, every hug, every kiss, every compliment. you deserve love; don’t keep yourself from taking it.

Now, this is a writer talking. I read for escapism and I write for escapism. For the story to be any fun, the characters are going to have to struggle. And they won't feel it's worth it. They author doesn't know what's in store and they want to give up so bad but little do they know, their author has a big reward in store for them. And they're worth it and loved by many that they can't even see. We are all just little characters in our own story.

But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of my commentary useful. I have no other words. Have a good day and stay gold. Anyway byeeeeeeee

Hey there! Plume here, with a review! And belated welcome to YWS! I'm a junior moderator on this site, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask me or another user with a green username!

I enjoyed this poem!! I really love that prose-y type of poetry, and I think the way you've formatted this one as a list really adds a lot. I think that last list item was my very favorite; a lot of your strong poetic and prose devices were showcased there, and that was definitely a great way to end the poem. It had a great message to it too, and some good life advice sprinkled throughout. I think you did a really nice job!

One thing I enjoyed about this was the flow. Like I mentioned before, I think the fact that this is a list is super cool; I love seeing unique ways of formatting poetry. Your repetition of "because" at the start of each item is also really great. It really helps create a more cohesive pattern throughout. You also did a really great job of your sentence phrasing. You used punctuation like commas and periods really well throughout to give the prose a more poetic feel to it, which was really nice. When paired with the other repetition in your poem, it gives it this really nice rhythm that's key in making prose poems work. I think you really nailed that aspect.

One thing I wondered is if perhaps you could incorporate some more poetic elements. There were times when it did feel slightly more like this was just offering advice in more plain terms. Which isn't bad! It's just that this could be a great opportunity to really experiment with imagery and metaphors really designed to tear at the reader's heartstrings. Like I mentioned before, this work is in second person, so it can be even more impactful since it appears you're talking directly to the reader. Just something to think about.

Specifics

maybe that piece you're missing is yourself- but it's okay not to know yourself yet. but if not, in order to find someone to complete that puzzle, you need to put yourself out there. and maybe you’re not ready for that yet, but that’s okay. maybe that piece you're missing is yourself- but it's okay not to know yourself yet.

In this chunk, it looks like you repeat the phrase "maybe that piece you're missing is yourself..." etc twice, word for word. I wasn't sure if that was intentional. To me, it felt more like a mistake than a conscious repetition choice on the part of the writer, and if you did want to reinforce that line, either mix up the phrasing of it, or just state it in a different way but keep the idea behind it the same.

Overall: nice work!! I think you did a really nice job with this prose poem, putting in both solid advice and some really well-worded lines. Once again, welcome to YWS, and I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!!